Yeah, she is cute, some would say that she is a very nice cat. But she isn't. She is pure evil. Pure unadulterated evil. How? I hear you all spontaneously ask. Well here is how:- She always attacks me - not the missus - just me. At random. Fucking thing.
- She meows to go out and then immediately meows to be let back in, as soon as I sit down. Fucking thing.
- She broke MY FUCKING SPITFIRE CUP! I am British and as a result I like the Spitfire plane, "never has so much..." and so forth and she broke it. It was a big cup which could fit about a cup and a half of tea in it. I like tea, now I have to drink a normal amount of tea like a Pleb.
- She knocked my Nigella Lawson (beautiful, beautiful Nigella) on the floor which lead up to her BREAKING MY FUCKING SPITFIRE CUP.
- She fucks with the blinds, that is just annoying. Fucking thing.
- She opens the doors, normally when I am half asleep. Which is annoying.
- She tries to escape and then returns straight away. Make your mind up you damn thing.
- SHE BROKE MY SPITFIRE CUP I LIKED THAT CUP, REALLY LIKED THAT CUP.
- She has no alligence to any football team
- She contributes literally NOTHING to the household budget, she is a drain on resources more than anything.
She is evil but if she falls asleep on you then you do end up forgiving her. Until she bites you inexplicably. Which happens quite a bit. I am a victim. That is the real tragedy in all of this, I am the victim. Never would have happened if we would have got a dog.
I think you need to ring the phone number for owners who are being terrorized by their cats - its 1-800-feLine (geddit???)
ReplyDeleteAlso, I got the feeling you liked the mug. Here's replacement.
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Jamie-Oliver-Bomber-Mug-Spitfire-Thunderbolt-Typhoon_W0QQitemZ370337631659QQcmdZViewItemQQptZUK_PotteryPorcelain_Glass_PotteryPorcelain_China_SM?hash=item5639d7cdab
Least you don't have to bring it for walks every day - even in the rain!!!! She has brilliant eyes.
ReplyDeleteOub, I like that cup sure. But it is just not a replacement. I am sorry it is just not the same, size wise at least.
ReplyDeleteNiamh, that is true. But she is still evil. And her eyes are piercing but they hide the evil.
I tried.
ReplyDeleteIronically, I've never gotten over a person (who as a member of the human race would have a v v v tenuous link to a spitfire) breaking my fave cat mug
So the circle is complete then? It was providence that gave me the mug and providence took it away. It just isnt the same drinking out of "normal" size cup, by the time you have fully committed to the cup of tea it is over...
ReplyDeleteTen Reasons why I love MY cat
ReplyDelete1.She always attacks Matt - not me- just Matt. At random. Fucking Superstar.
2.She meows to go out and I can make Matt get up to let her out then she immediately meows to be let back in, as soon as he's sat back down and I can nag him some more. Fucking superstar.
3.She broke his STPID FUCKING SPITFIRE CUP! Which I was sick of looking at...all tea stained, now he drinks a normal amount of tea and I am not left with half a cup cos like a pleb cos his stupid spitfire cup has taken most of the water!
4.She knocked his Nigella Lawson (fat greedy bitch who is a distraction to his devotion to me) on the floor which lead up to her BREAKING his FUCKING SPITFIRE CUP.
5.She fucks with the blinds, which annoys him, and wakes us up...I can then nag some more and make him get out of bed to let her out. Fucking Superstar.
6.She opens the doors, normally when he is half asleep. I can then nag some more and make him get out of bed to let her in.
7.She tries to escape and then returns straight away, realising her life's work is to keep Daddy in check!
8.SHE BROKE HIS SPITFIRE CUP HE LIKED THAT CUP, REALLY LIKED THAT CUP.
9.She supports Liverpool Footbal Club.
10.She shits on the floor and Matt has to clean it up.
She is cunning and manipulative and she falls asleep on him so he ends up forgiving her. And then she bites him inexplicably. Which happens quite a bit. She has so many more good qualities than a silly loyal dog.
no she doesn't have ANY redeeming features. She is evil
ReplyDelete